Special Guest Blog: Stoned in the 'Dam

Today, for one blog only, we are introducing a special guest blogger because Calli has not posted anything recently "for medical reasons"...

So, we have all heard the news about Calli. Although now a law degree completing, well-raised, good Christian pregnant mother-to-be, the youngest of this merry band of Four Sisters has gone and got herself stoned. Yes, after three relatively sober years living in Amsterdam, she's fallen off the wagon.

It seems that a day out with friends at, ahem, "the beach", turned into a night spent in great pain, hurling vomit around the room, using up all the hot water in the building, and keeping everyone awake, including that long-suffering husband of hers. What a charmer.

So now we're going to have to embark on a stone-hunting mission to get the lady back on the wagon. This blog is about how to hunt these stones passing though Calli like little salty pinballs in a giant human pin-ball machine.

First up, we need three litres of fluid. Per day.


Our patient has to drink her way through these three bottles each and everyday, with the intention of getting a good two litres of urine out per diem. Yes, we must turn Calli into a pee fountain, gushing forth with waterfalls of clear, pure, glorious flushing pee. Nice.

Next, we need a pee strainer.



This is to filter all that lovely clear urine for the little stones currently bumping and grinding her way through her urinary tract. I'm told that it is quite difficult to get the aim right when you can't actually see where you are peeing because there is a foetus in the way. Well, she should have thought of that before getting stoned, shouldn't she? Tsk tsk.

And finally, after a few sessions of apparently quite excrutiating pain, the final goal is one of these little gems, all ready for mounting on a ring, or perhaps as a pendant to remind her of the good old days, spent "on a beach" in Amsterdam...




So, don't get stoned, stay hydrated, and never, ever drink loose-leaf tea when you visit Calli in Amsterdam.

Lots of Love,
Guest Blogger "Dr. Drew"

P.S. Actually, secretly, this guest blogger is very relieved that it wasn't her appendix, premature labour, or some other mother-and-child-threatening event. But I've got to get my own back for all the sleep I lost...